confessions of a professional daydreamer

2011-06-16T14:25:00.000-07:00

is it me or why is growing up so scary?

when friends you spent 24/7 with grew so apart? what the hell is 'moving on'? what's the use of memories when the reality that we all took different parts stares you in the eye?

i miss my melb days.

cny- a new year.

2011-01-30T07:39:00.001-08:00

it's never too late to be who you want to be.

1.2.3.

2011-01-14T11:15:00.000-08:00

i re-read your little white book.

i still can't believe it. you are the best thing i've ever had.

2010-12-19T07:49:00.001-08:00

it's quite hard being old and young at the same time.

time will tell

2010-10-23T08:05:00.001-07:00

有時候有時候

everything on earth is two ways. really. with your attitude?

2010-10-22T10:31:00.001-07:00

如若我也有權愛　同樣我也有權不必被愛

'live and let go'

2010-09-16T10:37:00.001-07:00

it's strange how you say you're too old to let friends go considering how you treat them.

or,

to be fair, me.

thank you J for pointing out what's going on.

in your words, 'i can't believe how things have changed so drastically within 10 months'

maybe you should be asking how you could change so drastically. because 10 months ago, you'd have more insight in what's going on in your life, you'd have time to listen to your friend's problems, you'd invite them over for dinner even when you have nothing to say, you'd get coffees with them not because you need to rant, but you just want to spend time with them. and because 10 months ago, you had more self-respect, and your world consisted of other things apart from yourself. 10 months ago you were interesting and beautiful.

now i see none of that. no wonder you're so 'insecure' and always unhappy.

i have no grudges. i only wish you the best of whatever you choose to make with your life.

note the date ;)

2010-09-11T08:35:00.001-07:00

I'll never let you go

If you promise not to fade away

-Muse, Starlight.

parents

2010-09-06T11:27:00.000-07:00

parents.

my parents.

they will never change.

they will never approve of me.

they will never be normal like all the other parents.

i don't want to sound unfilial.

but at times it feels like keeping a distance from them is the only way out.

2010-09-04T03:38:00.001-07:00

cho.

:( ?

2010-08-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

i guess it's the unexpected that make you see what you would've have not seen.

2010-08-25T09:27:00.000-07:00

i have so much to learn.

please bear with me,

but only if you really love me,

and i will make sure i'll make it up to you one day.

work. (and yes, i actually do have to work)

2010-08-18T06:04:00.000-07:00

After all the gossip, badmouthing, (mis)calculations, drama-no pun intended- the dust has been settled.

People come, people go.

But where should I be?

trust

2010-06-19T06:35:00.001-07:00

love is scary like how you only have one heart
and you never know what people will do to it
i hope i made the right decision
by giving it entirely to you.

time flies, 123

2010-06-19T06:27:00.000-07:00

是太想念您超過了預期
只想可擁著您然後吻您讓您驚喜
由這一分鐘我一生就只有您
*明日縱使不堪阻不到我用心愛您
讓我終於都明瞭明白您比生死重要
原諒我卻試過傷害您

john keats!

2010-05-14T09:28:00.001-07:00

maybe it's time to pick up poetry again!
ha, when was the last time i picked up a book?

2010-05-06T09:29:00.000-07:00

quoting judi picoult (not that she's someone one would usually quote),
"hearts break all the time. days break, waves break, voices break. promises break hearts break."

at the end of the it's the truth that matters the most. even when it might make me angry i'd rather you tell me the truth, the whole truth, nothing but the whole truth.

oh, 123.

2010-04-30T20:44:00.001-07:00

it was more or less full moon last night. bright and clear.
frankly,
i still think of you whenever i see the moon,

but when was the last time you missed me?

when the moon is pretty i tend to miss you
more.
maybe it's because it reminds me of the summer days where i was
so eager to share with you every beautiful thing i saw.

because everything beautiful reminded me of you.

maybe because we're approaching the time where things end,
programmes,
semesters,
seasons-

-i heard about another death of a friend's friend a few days ago-

followed by a few months of nothingness before a new beginning,
before things are settled again,
september,
october,

i find it difficult to see that we're still on the same page,
that we're still on the same team we said we wanted to be.
at this point there is still no one else in the entire world i'd rather be with, but you.

and i wonder,
if you still feel the same way too.

because if you're still with me you'd make sure i knew it.
because if you're still with me you'd think of ways to make me happy.

if you still love me, help me out. let me know we're still doing this together.

four months too late..

2010-04-13T21:54:00.000-07:00

and it's four months too late for new year's resolution.. but what the heck, better late than never, right?

1. grow up (yes, finally)
2. explore life a little more
3. be less moody
4. love more, think less
5. polish my communication skills
6. seek out broader career options

had a great night's sleep and woke up feeling refreshed this morning. maybe it's the change of weather, maybe it's the fact i have a long lunch today, maybe sometiimes all you need is a good night's worth of sleep and something to look forward to in the morning.

it's great feeling positive!

four months too late.. but bring it on, twenty ten!

2010-04-09T07:58:00.000-07:00

speechless.

Happy Valentines Day, 123.

2010-02-14T04:54:00.000-08:00

紅豆

歌手：方大同

作曲：柳重言

填詞：林夕

編曲：方大同

還沒好好的感受雪花綻放的氣候

我們一起顫抖會更明白

甚麼是溫柔

還沒跟你牽著手走過荒蕪的沙丘

可能從此以後

學會珍惜天長和地久

有時候有時候

我會相信一切有盡頭

相聚離開都有時候

沒有甚麼會永垂不朽

可是我有時候

寧願選擇留戀不放手

等到風景都看透

也許你會陪我看細水長流

2010-02-04T08:34:00.000-08:00

“I wanted to show you that to me, you are the world. I wanted to tell you that in my eyes, you are the only one that matters. I wrote you a poem, but the words were not right. I painted you a picture, but the colors didn’t fit. I composed a song for you, but even that was not enough. Now, my dear, I have nothing to give you. I have nothing to show you my heart.”

-found this somewhere. it's like someone jumped into my head and wrote it for me so i'm sharing it with you here.

2009-12-19T18:15:00.000-08:00

dear you,

i wanted you to draw me a picture or write me a letter for christmas, because i wondered if there are things you meant to say, but somehow never did. i want to know more of this side of you, because i believe it's the main reason why i fell in love with you.

with love,
yours truly.

2009-12-15T00:16:00.001-08:00

being cool is so easy.

being mean is so easy.

giving up is so frigging easy.

when you make me feel unimportant, that's when i feel like being cool, being mean and giving up.

oh, but when i think of when we'd kiss underneath, nearby your balcony i remember how much it took for us to be together.

and i guess because i can still vividly remember how it feels to hold you, i should still give us another chance.

2009-11-16T01:18:00.001-08:00

you make me so happy i can't believe indulged myself in the thought that it was never meant to be a few days ago. i guess this is one of the few times i actually don't mind being proven wrong.

i wonder if its possible to grow up, be mature and but love like you've never loved before?

same old..123

2009-11-16T01:11:00.000-08:00

i love it how up till now i still can't help flinging myself onto my bed to twist and turn, grinning like a fool when i recieve your texts at night.

123

2009-10-28T23:16:00.000-07:00

i just realized this morning that i would be fine without you.
but i'd be pretty much fucking on top of the world with you here.

2009-10-09T06:52:00.001-07:00

2009-09-23T04:24:00.000-07:00

i remember the first time i saw you.

you were giggling.

you placed your hands on your friend's shoulders hid your face on her back.

and you were giggling.

sometimes i wonder how people live?

when they have nothing but dissipating memories in their heads?

i wish could've made a montage of all the moments where i remember you

so everytime when i miss you till a point i can't stand it anymore

i could watch it

through my tears

and wish

that i had captured just one shot more.

2009-08-15T23:02:00.001-07:00

how could anyone get enough of sunday afternoons?

it's raining outside.

2009-08-05T03:42:00.000-07:00

Gosh, it was only a few days ago; and yet it feels like forever. Love really fucks up time.
Speaking of which, some things are just not meant to be.

If only I could be proven wrong.

2009-07-30T04:07:00.000-07:00

I wonder if I'll ever be too old to fall in love.

2009-07-27T06:58:00.001-07:00

Isn't it weird how you do/feel all these random things when you're in love?
Isn't it a sign, when you start to doubt yourself, that you're slowly falling out of love?

2009-07-20T05:26:00.000-07:00

所以我求求你
別讓我離開你
除了你我不能感到一絲絲情意

2009-07-20T05:22:00.000-07:00

若即若離

again 123

2009-07-18T22:45:00.001-07:00

What happens in summer? You get frigging typhoons.

Torrential rain. Strong winds.
Crazy trees howling in the night.
Blurred vision.
Lop-sided plants. Smashed pots.
Cellophane tape.
Danger signs.
Hourly updates.
Seasonal.
Moody.
Intense.

You never know when its going to hit to you.
But you know its not going to be staying around for too long.

And you never know when it'll come back again.

2009-07-18T12:13:00.000-07:00

jealousy.
jealousy.
jealousy.

get over it.

the only cure for jealousy is to pour in more love.

123

2009-07-18T09:34:00.001-07:00

maybe one day i'll tell you
talking to you at night is my favourite time of the day.

who else?

2009-07-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

I hate love.
It's so out of your control.
Sometimes it's soooo there.
And then suddenly,
It's gone.

cafe etiquette

2009-07-15T01:19:00.000-07:00

Things you should do in a cafe/restaurant:

1. Always be polite to the staff. Really.
2. Ask the staff for reccomendations. Ask them about where the ingredients are from. Ask them how its being prepared. They love it.
3. With coffee, tea, please don't ask for sugar. It's not cool. If you really need it be to be sweet, ask for honey.
4. If the music is good, complement the selection of music.
5. Always compliment the barista if the coffee's good.

*to be continued*

123 again

2009-07-13T22:27:00.000-07:00

You're like a guava and peach smoothie on a scorching day.
And John Coltrane on a starry night.

123

2009-07-11T07:28:00.000-07:00

C tells me you are like a reflection of me. Haughty, self-centered, passive-agressive, indulgent, self-conscious, vain, over analytical, full of love and very afraid.

One day, I will no longer think of you when I'm alone at night,
Or when I'm on the train,
On the streets,
When I put on perfume,
Or when I look at the blue skies,
And smell the summer breeze.

One day, I will no longer jump when my mobile phone tells me I have recieved a new message,
I will no longer hope it might be you,
Or your friend,
Telling me things about you.

One day, I will no longer blush when I talk to you on msn,
Blood will no longer rush to my heart when I reply you,
Nor will it drain away when you don't.

I will no longer think of you in every movie, in every song.
Thinking of my love,
Your love,
How things were meant to be,
How things turned out,
How things could have turned out,
And how we were both afraid.

And one day, when I see you again,
I will walk over and talk to you.
Hopefully it'll feel like a long lost friend,
And hopefully you'll feel like that too.

But fingers crossed, I pray,
In my entire lifetime,
I will always remember how you looked into my eyes,
The very moment-
-Three fucking seconds-
How you made time stand still,
The whole world disappear,
Leaving nothing but from you and me,
One fine afternoon.

2009-05-31T11:07:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep.

Sleep is one of the privileges of the young. I can't sleep when I'm stressed- my mind is always where I wish my body could be; I can't sleep when I have nothing to do- it just seems like a fucking waste of time.

I strangely miss my room at Taylors. It was a fucking black hole. A bed, a table, a chair, a wardrobe. An undone bed and a half a load of unwashed laundry. Two stories above a canteen that served crap food and cordial. Every other meal was cooked in sweet chilli sauce and served with cold rice. Who invented cordial? That person should be hanged.

No one would have noticed if I died there.

And yet I miss it. Especially the holidays. Where I would rent four movies, eat instant noodles from a styrofoam cup and smoke mini-cigars beside my window. I had nothing but classics and booker prize nominees on my bookshelf. And probably half a bottle of Bailey's on my desk.

On Friday nights, I would make an effor to be sociable. It was always a struggle- should I pretend to listen to the crap band singing Radiohead off key, or should I pretend to listen to the boys and their untrue theories about women, school and gossip? On Saturdays I would visit the local pub with a book and my notepad.

Gosh, that was definitely one of the darkest periods of my life. Couldn't sleep then, couldn't sleep now.

I guess some people are meant to be alone.

yay!

2009-05-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

so what could you possibly do on a 3 hour break on a rainy friday?

start a blog.

hello, world!